being a mother

i need to get this off my chest,
some thing that bothers me every day,
why did i give my kids way?
i had no one to help me no one to trun to, after the fire i didnt know what to do,
that fire showed me i have no one and i am utterly alone
i want my babies with me but thats only a dream..
i think everyday what if i had them where would i be now?
am i a bad person?
i look at my self and think HELL FUCK YEAH ! U LEFT UR KIDS BEHIND!
no one understands why, cuz i dont nether,
every one thought i was out having fun but a man took so much controle over me i didnt care, i gave up on my self!
that was the first time i couldnt hold my own,
b4 my babies i was this rugged bad ass bytch not giving a shyt about my own life nore others, if i seen my self walkin down the street i wouldnt give m self eye contact...

i didnt things to get that i want, i sold dope @ 14 and walked around like i was the queen!
robbed, beat up people stabbed people, for the fact that for me then it was fun.

i didnt go to school i didnt care, let alone my mother didnt care nether at least welfare was giving her money for me, nore did she buy me cloths or feed me right.. didnt have to go to school.. all i had was the street,, the hard cold cement was the onlhy thing that could hold me down ...

now iam 28 not 8 no more iam a mother that fucked up big time, still them kids are mine!
regarless as any one says i am there mother!
i am a good person now, i care about others, i care, i love, i protect!
iam germaine and no one out there can say the same